The leaves are changing

I now refer to two distinct time periods of my life – pre yoga school Sena and post yoga school. Through the process of completing my yoga teacher training this past spring I’ve gone through what sometimes feels like a 180 degree shift in a lot of my beliefs and actions.  The person I was before yoga school is not who I am now. I don’t have the same interests, I don’t do the same activities, I don’t eat the same food, and I don’t listen to the same music.

Why am I telling you this? Because I believe in change. I believe to truly discover our purpose in this lifetime we need to try things. Then, more importantly let go of them. Let go of identities – that partier you were in college doesn’t need to follow you into your 30’s. That person who was super invested in becoming a doctor, lawyer, VP, doesn’t have to stay with you for the rest of your life. That’s not to say it can’t or it shouldn’t as we all have our own paths, but we so often settle into who we think we are that we forget to keep exploring ourselves. Exploring our interests, seeing what has changed since you were 15 – what are you really interested in? When do you find yourself feeling truly free, alive? Now that you’re in a new city, new environment, what have you found yourself letting go of? Starting with those simple inquiries can open up an entire world of you that you had no idea was there.

Starting with those simple inquiries can open up an entire world of you that you had no idea was there.

You need to let go of the old things that no longer serve you in order to make room for the new. This is tough. This may mean you spend less time with certain friends, people may *gasp* notice that you are different now. They may make a comment about it. To you. And you may have to respond. (!)

And then – you realize, that people still do accept you. True friends will still be true friends. The important things in your life will stay. The things that no longer serve you, whether it be relationships, things, careers, will fade.

Everything changes around us. The leaves, the air, the people, the weather, the buildings, the dirt, every.thing. I encourage you to embrace that change within yourself. See what’s happening in there. Spend some time in the bathtub, for god’s sake, with some candles, some eucalyptus sea salts, maybe even some bubble bath, and tea. Tea is critical to any process of self discovery.

By letting go of the old, I’ve found a new, more fulfilling life. I give so much more. I teach yoga. Like, I fucking teach people yoga, like a yoga teacher, in front of a room, using my words, my body to guide people through an hour long class. I’ve taught people to stand on their heads. I still can’t believe it, sometimes.

I’m gentle with myself, I know how to read my body and mind more, I’m so much less stressed, I meditate. I switched jobs, and carved out flexibility that allows me more time to work on me; time for this self exploration. I sing more, I dance more, I write more, I’ve found a new world.

At the same time, I’m still me. I have the same parents, most of the same friends, with some new amazing ones I’ve become close with, my taste in music has changed but I still love my Spotify like no other. I’m happy. I’m calmer.

I notice the leaves and the trees. I notice that everyone around me is looking for happiness, just like me.  

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
— Marianne Williamson